We dance around the ring and suppose,
While the secret sits in the middle and knows.
By Robert Frost
The inner workings of a young child’s mind are mostly mysterious.The brain of a child under two is making more neural connections than at any other time in her life.
The best way we can understand what our child is interested in or what they are working on developmentally is to put down the book or computer, and observe them doing. Before the age of three, a child cannot tell us what they are doing or what skills they are obtaining. Even under the age of six, they may not be able to tell us about a new skill they are working on until they have gained a bit of mastery of it.
We often watch our children while they play, but it is rare that we take time to observe them. Yet, taking this time, to observe, will give us glimpses into the inner workings of their mind in a unique way. Observing is like listening with your eyes without judgement. It is watching your child by attempting to see what they are seeing and doing.
The difference between watching and observing sounds like this: (Watching) My child is playing with the blocks. (Observing) My child is using her right hand to hold the bottom block while trying to stack a second block. She tastes the block. She puts it on the ground and picks up a third block and starts to put it on top of another block. She lets go of the blocks, they tumble and she picks one up and tastes it. Then she puts the block back on the ground and seems to be repeating the process. ...the block falls and she crawls over and looks out the window. She smiles and crawls to a book and begins to open the book...[This is when concentration is broken.]
Observation shows us the internal, innate mental powers of the child. The brain development of the child is a force like gravity. It cannot be interrupted without consequences. Often times, the reaction is a temper tantrum.
When a parent is able to observe without interfering, the child is able to work and repeat an activity without distraction until he comes to a natural stopping point. This is really hard (!) for a parent to do, especially at first. When a child is thoroughly engaged in an activity, it is incredibly alluring: we want to ask what they are doing; engage them in conversation. Unfortunately for both the child and for us, this is the opposite of what they need. They need to be able to work uninterrupted until they are finished. This freedom - to work without interruption - will help them to learn concentration, patience, self-confidence, respect, and help them develop a strong work ethic!!
Here are some guidelines you can follow when next observing your child:
Observation provides information: information provides understanding: understanding provides the right response for the adult.
When you see your infant up on his knees rocking back and forth, you can know he is working on crawling. Putting a soft ball or rattle just out of his reach with motivate him toward forward movement.
When you are on a walk and your child stops frequently, you could observe she is stopping because a motorcycle drives by, or a bird chirps or a dog barks. When you have the information that she is paying attention do different sounds in her environment, you can name them when you hear them. “I just heard a bird. Did you?” or “I hear the dog barking too. I wonder what it is trying to say?”
If a child is frustrated, it isn’t necessary to step in to assist. Observe. If a child becomes excessively frustrated, then step in and say,
“You are doing such interesting work, can I take a turn? I will do this part, you do the next part.
Letting him work through a challenging situation and figure out a solution will help him build self confidence and problem solving skills.
If your child is distracted from his activity by your observing him, get a book, or knit, or do something to look busy (Without a screen...no phone or computer)
It may take a day or two for her to understand you are not always available to entertain her. You might have the most success if you plan 5 minute “busy” times first, then increase the time.
While observing, keep quiet. Refrain from saying “Good Job” or “Interesting” or anything at all. These comments will break her concentration rather than encourage her to continue.
If the child is taking a long time to do something, observe to see if there is an obstacle or just great interest. When possible, wait to get involved until your child breaks her concentration.
